shell fish

Im selfish....
damn..
after the past 3 nights I found one thing.
I dont give a 2 shits about what I really do to people.
ether it be having a one night stand of having some type of relationship with them I just dont care, well in the long run.
but really who dose? Tell me one fucking person that's really ganna give a shit if they really hurt someone.
Tell me why I dont genuinely care about, well anything really.
it be animal or person,
I DONT GIVE SHIT!
do I not have feelings anymore.
Single for 5 years and this is what I get.
a collection of one night stands and never actually feeling anything,
"If you don't use it you lose it."
can this phrase not only be a joke for 40 year old virgin.
Maybe this is a true statement for someone who dosent understand the concept of "love" "hate" really anything.
Maybe its becouse I dont take my time..really when I should.
Or just maybe after I sleep with someone I dont like them really anymore.
sad.
even after I think the world of the person.
I found for the pasr four days I havent tried to impress anyone.
school my mother.my sister.
well I thinks its real of me..maybe the only thing.
I think I try to make people believe Im one way all the time and really deep down Im not.
but really I have no idea who/what/how I really am anymore.
I dont want to I feel I would be a gross slob.
really.
Im saying If you met me you wouldn't like me.
or maybe If I met me I wouldn't like me?
I took a sleeping pill about a half hour ago.
I hope it start working here pretty on before I for nuts.


back to the point of this.
The last time I actually fell for...or felt like I could be with someone other then a week. Was about 2 years ago.
Me just turning 18. Loud,rude, spontaneous.
Met a cute soft spoken young man.
that would go along with most everything she had in her head.
Even if it was running in a apple field in the rain just for fun.
stuff almost noone would do in fear of getting in trouble.
lets say about a month goes by.
we never had sex.
maybe this is why i liked him.
he asked to stop seeing each other.
me 18 almost falling for one person was happy.
Now hart broke.
after about a week.
really could careless.about anything.

Or maybe I have this all wrong I have always been careless up until then when I cared. Well point made I dont think really anyone would care now.

new

Dear, Grand Haven MI.
I really like you.
I just dont want to see you anymore



When I moved here I thought everything would change.
habits and all. well It really dint.
My photos are a little better
and I have really good friends and everything.
Im just going nuts,
I drink too much...along with smoke.
I am back in school.
History it may be.
fuck boys.
like I said nothing really changes.
ever.
I miss gr I miss musk.